Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Missing Mommy "TODAY"


Today, is the happiest day of her life
I should be happy for her today
So tell me why are these tears in my eyes?
I know i should be happy for her
But i've lost everything
I've lost everything i've ever wanted today
I heard this song today and found it to mean something different to me than what he was really singing about. He is singing about a woman he loved, that is marrying someone else "today". But when I hear the chorus, I think of my sweet mommy. The day she went to heaven WAS the happiest day of her life, how could it not be? I am happy for her, but there are still tears in my eyes... often. I didn't lose EVERYTHING because I still have three great kids, and other family like Dad. But I lost a lot that day, so much more than words can explain. I had tears streaming during this song today, and had to go and look at photos of mom because I miss her so much today. I don't think this pain will ever go away. It may lessen a little, but never go away. I am mommy's girl, always. She was my best girlfriend and my mom. She always will be. Yesterday was four months since she went to be with Jesus in heaven, that may not be helping my feelings right now! These are just my musings from the depths of my sadness.


Dionne said...

I am so sorry, hun. Having not lost my mother, I can't even imagine what it must feel like - I will keep you in prayer.

MYSAVIOR said...

The pain may lessen but you are right, it will never go away.

It would be ridiculous for me to say that she is with the Lord now so just be happy. We want to be WITH the people that we love more than anything.

I dream about my lost loved ones very often and it seems to help. In the Jewish faith/traditions, they say when we dream of our lost loved ones that they are coming to visit us from Heaven; that the Lord allows them to come to us in our dreams.

Being with Jesus must be awesome but you have to know that you are in your mom's heart also and for always.


Shari Tombs said...

I know how you feel - it's been 6 years & I still miss my Mom very much. (((HUGS)))

Lavon said...

This must be a day for remembering our loved ones who have gone ahead of us to be with Jesus. I wrote about my Daddy on my blog today. May God give you peace and comfort as only He can.

Beantree Designs said...

not long after my Dad died, there was a song named "In the Living Years" that brought me to tears every time I heard it. Sometimes I think these things are meant to help us heal, help us cleanse out the hurt. It doesn't make the hurt go away, just helps us get through it. None of what I just said makes sense, or makes you miss your Mom any less, I know.

Kathleen said...

(((hugs))) Yes, Anastasia - it never goes away, but it gets somehow a little softer. For me, sometimes now I can think more of the fun and the beautiful memories and chase away the loneliness of loss. For me, the song is "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. I played it for Mom the morning that she died.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Anastasia...I cannot imagine...but I'm praying for you.

button said...

Tears are precious to the Lord. So much so that he puts them in a bottle the Bible says. He is near to those with a broken heart. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Snuggle up with Jesus and cry on His shoulder. I'll be praying for His love and comfort for you.
:o) button

mattscraftywife said...

Thank you all so much for the prayers. Today has been better than yesterday. *hugs*

GracedLace said...

Ohhhh...it's still so fresh for you, A. I'm so sorry. And I understand. It's OK to feel how you feel, whenever these triggers hit. ♥

Graceful Moments said...

I can see how those lyrics would make you think of your mother.

When we lose someone we love as much as we love our mothers, the pain is like your heart has been ripped and torn into. When the wound is so new as yours is, every birthday, holiday, anniversary is like salt in the wound. As time goes on, the wound heals but the hole remains forever and it aches from time to time and all we can do is fill it with precious memories and the assurance that we have in Jesus that we will be reunited with our loved ones again one day.

My heart aches for you as you walk through the valley with your heart so torn but I know that you aren't walking alone. Our sweet Jesus is with you, so hold on to him with everything you have and in time you will heal. Love and hugs.

Graceful Moments said...

Oh, and for me the songs are:
Homesick by Mercy Me and
Praise You in the Storm by Casting Crowns