It's been almost two weeks since my wonderful mommy went to heaven. I've been having weird days. I live moment to moment. Always I feel thankful that she's my mom, she made me who I am. I have learned from her how to smile through pain, physical and emotional. She always smiles. I still talk of her in the present tense because her spirit lives even though her body does not. I would rather have loved her and been a part of her life and have this pain now than to never have loved her at all. I just miss her. I always will, every moment of every day, for the rest of my life.
When I'm not working, I'm crocheting. It's very healing and makes me feel closer to her.. since she taught me how. My heart is broken into a zillion pieces, and even when it feels more healed, there will forever be the scars. There is a Christian song out that is my theme song right now, by Tenth Avenue North. Hold My Heart. I have heard it a lot lately and love it. I was crying tonight when it was on. Not totally bad tears, sort of sad and good at the same time. Weird. Today I've been very weepy, little things make me cry. Then I feel joy, then I feel sadness again. I have been wearing a long black sweater that she had, and I feel SO close to her when I wear it. It's snuggly like a hug from her.
This is sort of a rambling post, but that's what I do lately. Life doesn't totally make sense. I miss her so much. I'm thankful for the kids, my dad , family and my friends. I look forward to the holidays, she would want me to enjoy them as much as possible even through the pain. She loves the holidays. She loves me, forever. Thanks for all the prayers that have been said the last several months. I will always remember the support I've received from my friends. Love you all.