Almost a Year Now

Well, it's been one of those years. On Monday, it will be one year since my mom was "birthed to Paradise" and took her journey to heaven. It's been a long, hard year. There have been many tears, and lots of empty sadness in my heart. I will never be the same, even when the wound heals there will be a hole forever in my heart. When I get to heaven and reunite with my sweet Mommy, then I will be whole again. I will have all of my loved ones with me and we'll celebrate our Lord together forever. Until then, I miss her with a depth of sadness that cannot be put into words.

One year ago today I went down to see her one last time. On the 5th they told my dad she would die on that day. On the 6th she was still hanging on, so we took a drive to try to see her. I got to hold her hand, kiss her and talk in her ear even though she could not respond. She was sleeping in a very deep sleep, getting ready to meet her Lord and Savior. We had to leave the following afternoon to get home and be with my autistic son, so I didn't have much time. I slept for maybe 1 1/2 hours by her side then stayed up the rest of the time, watching her and speaking softly to her. I guess it was not the Lord's will for me to be with her when her time came, because she hung on while I was there and after. The following morning I called to check on her, and was on the phone when she took her last breath on the 8th of November. It's still hard to think about. I'm still trying to sort through my feelings. I'm still missing a piece of my heart. My dad is coming tomorrow to be with me through Monday for the one-year anniversary of her birth to heaven.

The kids have been great as well. My aunt has become my confidante. I have lots of family and friends who have prayed for me. I know because I feel them. I know because I feel His arms around me all the time.